The X-Men Are Jerks Pt. 2

For some reason, I thought that Unus the Untouchable was issue #4 and so I was expecting to cover the X-Assholery from that issue too, but nope.  It's a long string of tales featuring the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants after this, so that's the next post on this.

In this issue, we start getting the characterizations we know and love.  We already had the playfulness of Iceman and Warren being a playboy, but now we have Scott angsting over his uncontrollable power, the erudite Beast, and the romance between Jean and Scott.

  I'm not complaining that it took Stan "The Man" Lee a couple of issues to get down the characters we've come to know and love.  Now that the premise is set, we can get into the characterizations more.  Hank McCoy wasn't portrayed as a dumb lummox in the slightest, but we now see him in his off time reading, "Advanced Calculus," and spouting off intellectually at his opponents.  The love affair between Scott and Jean is starting to form.  Instead of every X-Man swooning for her, it's a competition between Angel and Cyclops for Jean, but as we'll see later, there's no contest.


Unless someone else gets involved...

Oh hell.

I mentioned this last post.  Xavier simply invited her to come to his school, not to tell anyone, and didn't tell her what kind of school it is.  That's creepy enough.  Now the old man is in love with her as well.

Thankfully, this gets dropped fairly quickly until one of the Onslaught writers decides to bring it back up just to squick Jean Grey out, as Professor Xavier is like a father to his original X-Men.

Ew.

Anyway, this issue introduces us to The Blob, which as you all may be aware, nothing can move.  The Blob in later years became simply just another member of Mystique's Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, but in this one he poses a very real threat to the X-Men.  Why?

Because he knows who they are and where they live.

Last issue had Bobby and Scott in their guises as Iceman and Cyclops hitching a ride back to the school in an ice cream truck.  Somehow that seems to imply that keeping your identities and home a secret isn't that big a deal.

Xavier detects The Blob during a training session and sends the X-Men out to find this new mutant.  After a few amusing red herrings (assumptions of ordinary things being mutant powers), Cyclops finds The Blob at a carnival sideshow, showing off his abilities and promptly demands that The Blob come with him to meet the X-Men.  See, "the X-Men don't take no for an answer."

Thankfully, Warren and Jean show up and between his sweet-talking and her looks, The Blob is persuaded to come along.  He takes Jean's arm and gets promptly eye-lasered into a wood stove.

Yes, The Blob is an uncouth jackass, but that doesn't mean be a complete and total fuckwad to him, Cyclops.

Fortunately, not only can nothing move The Blob, nothing can hurt The Blob either.

After some testing, Xavier determines that The Blob is a powerful mutant and invites him to join.  The Blob, totally digging his new-found power, rejects the offer.

Is it just me or do the words coming out of Xavier's mouth sound like they could just as easily come out of Dr. Doom's mouth?

Whatever, it's mindwipe time, but at least this time, Xavier will let The Blob keep who he himself is and how to tie his shoes and wipe his ass.

Except The Blob escapes and then takes over the carnival and brings all of his carnie friends to attack the X-Men.  This gives us the best fight ever.  Cyclops vs. an elephant, Beast singing, "Here we go 'round the mulberry bush," as he beats up on acrobats, and Jean tossing people around.  Eventually, the carnies are too much and manage to tie up the X-Men.  Meanwhile, Xavier is working on a device that will let him wipe all of their memories, but with the X-Men tied up, it's down to Xavier vs. The Blob & Friends.

At least someone thought about what they were doing.  The Blob clearly hasn't and neither has Jean who has to have Professor Xavier remind her that she can untie her blindfold and telekinetically use a knife to free herself and the X-Men.

She's going to be Phoenix someday, guys.  She and Iceman are the Omega-level mutants of the group.

The X-Men arrive just in time to protect the Professor and he successfully wipes all memory of the X-Men from The Blob and the carnies who don't ask what they're doing in a Westchester manor, but head on back to the carnival.

Not even Common Sense Guy asks this.  *sigh*

 Coming up: The Brotherhood!  Magneto!  Namor!  And if I'm not mistaken, Bobby and Hank hanging out with beatniks!